I dislocated my shoulder, this post isn't about music!!

Posted on: June 30, 2008, Tagged as bikes, moron, shoulder

Ouch! I dislocated my shoulder! (RETARD)

I'm such a fucking retard, even when I have health insurance I flip through those PPO printouts from the health insurance assholes that list, in no fucking order, doctors that either don't take new patients or doctors that don't accept PPO or doctors that don't speak English. What's with doctors in San Francisco speaking everything but English? One doctor contradicted himself about a knee injury once, because obviously he could give a flying fuck. This guy was probably more drunk than me the day before.

So I was riding this new bike that I got, which is totally fucking stupid of me to have because I'm barely not even 20 anymore but I have it and boy do I fail hard on the thing. So I'm riding up a hill and fall face first on my face. I didn't hit anyone, nope, the two times I've fallen hard on this bike have involved no contact but my face and the street. So I fell in front of a bunch of tourists and they rush over to laugh at me.

I pick me bike and my ego up off the street and head into work. I always do this. Once I got attacked by a little fucker of a dog and just walked away instead of suing the botox outta the Berkeley whore that owned him. I always just cowboy up and clear the scene like a chump. So there I am at a work meeting and I'm messing around with my shoulder while my co-workers talk about stuff that doesnt really concern me.

Then all of a sudden my shoulder pops back into place with this disgusting slurrping sound. It was a relief until I started piecing together what just happened. Then I felt like blowing chunks. So I left the meetings. The best part about having to hurl your fucking guts at my work while in a meeting is you have to leave one office, go into another office and grab a bathroom key. It's like that David Cross joke where you really want to fuck that random girl in the middle of the street because it's all passionate and you don't want her at your apartment, but you take her there anyway.

Except I'm about to spray vomit all over the hall way, and I'm way too good looking to do something like that, without being really drunk and really famous. Anyway I make it into the bathroom and pee instead. What the fuck is wrong with me? So here I am, here with this newly dislocated shoulder and my coworkers telling me I'd be in a lot more pain if I'd actually dislocated the shoulder. Like some dude working at a non-profit is suddenly the expert witness on how much pain someone should be going through. Like fucking right?

It was dislocated or it was out of socket, it was not right. I'm such an idiot for not signing up for COBRA before getting axed from my previous job. I also didn't take the stock options because they're complete failures over there. I'd have a better investment getting a hooker pregnant than buying into that sunken balsa wood battleship.

So here I am, last night I played kickball with a bunch of strangers, did I mention the fact that I need friends? Fuck you if you didn't know that. I also went on some 20 mile bike ride, all the while my shoulder is pounding my body with waves of fucking PAIN. But I'm going to ignore it because that's how reals I keeps it. I figure another 30 days of stupidity and I can flip through the pages of some randomly laid out PPO to find a doctor that'll tell me my shoulder pain is caused by stress and I need more valerian root in my diet.

I swear to god if that happens I'm tipping over his scale and punching his receptionist square in the face!

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